Someday, Sowewhere, Someone

Someday, someone else will look at you the way you looked at the one you loved.

Someday, someone else will hold you tight and fight for the both of you, never let you go, and never will ask you to let go.

Someday, it will last.

Someday.

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This was a chat I had with a friend some weeks ago after we went to see someone that still means a lot to me. Yes, weeks ago. It took me lots of courage to finally decided to write this post, apparently.

The first thing she said to me after that night was. “I can see the way you looked at him”.

For the past three years, I heard this words a lot from many friends when me and him were still together. But I never thought I would still hear it again, months after my break up. Months after I thought I was doing okay and “us” was just a fraction of my past and I have moved forward. I never thought I would still see him that way anymore, let alone to have other people to notice it.

I never knew I looked at him different until a friend of mine noticed it few years ago. And the first time I heard that words, I remember thinking to myself, “Oh shit, I am doomed”.

That was the moment I know that my heart apparently has the ability to be fully vulnerable towards someone, like never before. Knowing that even though he has the highest power to crush my heart and burn my soul to the ground, I chose to love him anyway. Wholeheartedly, desperately, completely head-over-heels.

And I did.

I still do. Maybe. Apparently. Whatever.

So the moment I heard that words again, after countless nights of cry-yourself-to-sleep routine, midnight prayers, and self-motivational quotes, I felt like falling down back to zero. Like nothing has changed, like he have never left my life at all.

Zero.

So I learned that apparently it is true, that people can see if a woman loves a man by the way she looks at him, but most of the times, it’s he who can’t see it.

I hope someday I have the chance of having someone to look at me like that, and I hope when it happens, I will be able to see it in his eyes.

I hope someday you’ll find that person too.

Love,

Twelvi

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