Do Secretly Wish, But Don’t Expect




You arrived in this new strange land, with no expectation for the time you’re going to spend there, except that knowing you would love it. Because you love to travel. You travel with your heart and mind open for any possibilities, and that was it.




And then you met this stranger. You talked, and talked, and stared into each other’s eyes. And before you know it, time has passed. And it scared you how much you two have in common. Your love for the animals, the ocean, the sand. Your dislikes for corrupt government, people who kill each other in the name of religion, people who threw cans at the beach and killed the whales. Your love for weird beautiful things. Your passion for life itself. And that both of you have huge crazy dreams.


All it took was two dates and you knew almost everything about his life. His sister’s name, his cat’s name and it’s weird habits, his cousin’s cars, his buddy’s name and stories, his family tree. And suddenly, it felt real. Before you know it, you scored yourself a possibly once in a lifetime romance that is amazing. You wondered, then you asked each other, “Where were you my whole life? Where did you come from?” because this may sound stupid, but you don’t get to feel that way for a stranger everyday. And you know both of you felt the same way, because you could see it in each other’s eyes.


You love how his eyes sparkled every time you two talked about your crazy stupid dreams. About making the world a better place, one step at a time. About weird things that you believe in, that most people will find stupid but you love it anyway.


And most importantly, you loved the way he looked at you. The way he smiled and leaned whenever he wanted to kiss you. The way he smelled. The way your fingers intertwined as if they were made for each other. The way he put his arms around you and called you beautiful in front of other people, as if he was the luckiest person on earth and he would never let go. The way he made you feel like you’re the luckiest person on earth.


Then you made a lifetime’s worth of memories in two weeks. Because the first time you saw the way he looked at you, you knew that somehow, this amazing feeling in your chest, whatever it was, possibly would end. One of you (if not both of you) would have to pull the break and snap both of you out of reality, sooner or later.  You would be back home, and you would be halfway across the world from each other. You have made so many plans laid out in front of you, and he made plans for his life too. And meeting each other was never in any of those well made plans.


That’s why you didn’t have any expectation. You did secretly wish, but you didn’t expect.


Because even if you know that the best thing happens when you least expect it, you also know that some people were made to come into your life for brief moments just to leave you a lifetime’s worth of memories. Because you believe that when two people are destined to meet each other, they will touch each other’s life in a way that no one else will, and it doesn’t matter if it only lasted a week or the rest of your life.


Because when he looked into your eyes, he made you believe that you are beautiful. When he held you in his arms, he made you feel safe and you felt that your crazy dreams are not so crazy after all. You always believed in yourself, but he made you feel like he believes in you too. And that is a beautiful thing.


He was one of the best things that happen in your life.  And it was painfully beautiful. It still is, even after you’re finally home and weeks have passed. Even if your heart aches, time to time from excruciatingly missing him, you restrain yourself from reaching out to your phone and text him. Because deep down you know that you should move on. And if it’s meant to be, you will find each other again.


The saddest part of this kind of story, is that most of the times, the ones that we happened to have the strongest feelings towards, is the ones that we know we will not spend the rest of our lives with.


To M,

With utmost respect and love.

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